O terra, addio

The Yankees and the Mets are moving to new stadiums. According to this New York Times article, it's a problem for some baseball fans, who have surreptitiously scattered ashes of dead beloveds in the old stadiums to honor their last wishes. Their "final resting place" will be turned into a parking garage, which is sad. The same article then proceeds to infer the following:

Perhaps it is a measure of sports fans’ attachment to the places their teams fight it out, season after season over a lifetime, that they think about scattering ashes in stadiums — Lincoln Center, for example, says that no music lovers have asked to have their relatives’ remains left there.

Yeah, as if I'm gonna let the Met know that I've instructed my partner to sneak in and disperse a vial of my dead ashes about the dusty corners of my balcony box. Silly New York Times writer. Music fans are just as rabid and irrational as sports fans. I bet dead ashes have been strewn around the hallowed grounds of Lincoln Center bathrooms since the 80s. This is obvious. As I'm certain those who haunt the Met stage door will continue to haunt the Met stage door forever, in the form of their dead ashes. I'm so sure of it. (In fact, I think many of them are already beginning to shed some remains around there. I mean, have you seen that freakshow lately?)

The article gets more tragic:

“Where I put the ashes is in that little triangle in foul territory where they put those recliners where people sat,” said Ms. Brass, an administrative assistant at a Long Island company that maintains medical equipment. “They put recliners on top of my sister. I was annoyed about that. Those people were sitting on my sister. Now she’s going to be in the parking lot. Don’t laugh. I’m going to figure out where she is in that new parking lot, and park on top of her.”