02 May 2005

Diva Worship

Homo vs. Hetero, Part I

Details that prove our blog-friend Sarah Noble is not a gay man.

1. The plan to show up forty minutes before masterclass doesn't factor in every wrong thing that could happen (unexpected traffic, broken microphone, tear on "I heart Diva" banner, out of order handicap restroom--a.k.a. where to check "audio", change discs, retouch concealer on pimple on forehead, etc. )
2. Dear Sarah, just how many times did you interrupt the proceedings with "Brava Diva"s? Did you even take the time to enlist your seatmates for some maniacal ovations? What did you do when she first appeared on stage?
3. Ask to *kiss* the hand.
4. "You're the finest Amneris I've ever heard." Darling, how many times do you think she's heard that? Next time, try "Mme. Bumbry, you're the most nuanced Norma I've ever heard, and will ever, ever hear. And I just can't wait till you do it again."
5. Where's the bouquet of flowers? Rule #1 on Worship (for Divas, Tom Cruise, God, boyfriends): Give to receive.
6. No pile of CDs, no old programs of things to be signed? Girl, where to begin. Digital camera in the shop this week? Remember, pictures are worth ten thousand of our collective blog-words.

Details that hint Dear Sarah's on her way to becoming a gay man.

1. Eavesdropping on divas vocalizing: good girl.
2. "Grace leaves hall in a cab." Stayed till the very end: great start. (But next time, take pictures of Diva getting into Cab.)
3. Bursting into tears, dying, etc.: promising.