This is how you end a season

(short of jumping off parapet)


1. Pick trashy opera.
2. Engage has-been soprano with something to prove.
3. Pair with ballsy tenor with squillo, squillo, squillo.
4. Get some Wotan to do villain.
5. Pick newbie, pushover conductor.
6. Slow tempi down to near-standstill; draw out money notes.
7. Disregard propriety: add “mea culpa”s to libretto.
8. Throw “golden age” around during intermission conversation.
9. Go berserk after final chord, bang walls, burn vocal cords during curtain calls.
10. Surround stage door with Klytamnestra and Royal Co..
11. Pose for picture with diva in black velour shmatas. (Both of you.)
12. Float home via 1/9 train, text global friends about coital insanity, eat leftover Indian takeout, blog “This is how you end a season,” plan to ask around “lavender network” for good “transcript” first thing following morning.
13. Crawl to bed, thank gods (and Visa card) for wondrous, wondrous life.