07 June 2005

Revenge of the Sequels

Crossover narratives

Padme gives birth to twins, who eventually save the (far far away) world; Sieglinde and Siegmund are twins, who give birth to Siegfried, who almost saves the world (of the gods); Frodo's "twin" is Sam, while Harry Potter's "twin" is Hermione Granger, who's also his hetero-love interest; Arwen and Aragorn save the world and marry; Brünnhilde and Siegfried, engaged to be married, marry the Gibichung siblings instead; (will Harry marry Hermione?); Padme dies in childbirth, as does Sieglinde; Siegmund dies upon the spear of Hunding, under Wotan's direction, but Anakin survives amputation courtesy of Obi Wan's lightsaber; Siegfried, Harry Potter, and Frodo are orphaned early. Anakin, to rescue love, seeks absolute power; Alberich, spurned by love, seeks absolute power. Sauron seeks absolute power for the fun of it. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is Dick Cheney, but Anakin is far cuter than G.W.; Leia has weird hair; Brünnhilde has the old helmet. Jabba the Hutt is probably John Bolton. Is General Grievous Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein? Saruman is Osama bin Laden; Guards at Abu Ghraib are Dementors are Nazgul. Yoda is Erda is Gandalf is Albus Dumbledore; Legolas is Obi Wan; Chewbacca is Gimli is Rubeus Hagrid; Bilbo is Alberich is Dobby is Gollum; and sexually, Frodo and Sam are to C-3PO and R2-D2 are to Harry and Ron. Question is, who's the top? No need to worry, Sieglinde's definitely getting to the bottom of this.